Today is the last day of Autism Awareness Month, but the journey does not stop here.
I didn't do a ton of posting on Autism this month simply because I post about it off and on all the time. Autism is something that is real in my life and the lives of so many others every day of the year. We live with it 24/7. Bringing awareness is great when there is a month dedicated to it, but I hope that through reading my blogs people find some sort of awareness and understanding all throughout the year.
I would love to end this month on a positive note, but if I stay true to myself and my writing style then I have to keep it real. I don't like fluff and while I don't find Autism to be a horrible thing that will cause massive amounts of stress and turmoil in our lives forever, I do find it to be a big pain in the keister right now.
I'm so glad you asked!
I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I haven't had a good night of sleep in weeks. Bug doesn't sleep a lot and for the past month his sleep patterns have gotten worse and worse. He is up at 2 in the morning, then again at 3, then again at 4. He comes in my room and just stands by my bed until I respond to him. I try to get him to go back to sleep, but he doesn't. It's like his brain just won't shut off and allow him to sleep. I can tell he is exhausted, too. Even more so than me. But he just doesn't get proper sleep.
On top of that, his accompanying anxiety is hitting a serious high again. He is wigging out over just about everything and heaven forbid I even leave the room to go pee - it's like toddler separation anxiety times ten! He's been crying a lot for reasons I just can't wrap my mind around. He gets upset a lot. He's been more bothered than usual by people and sounds.
And here is just one example of the separation anxiety... I went in the garage for a minute and came back to him in hysterics. He was screaming and crying uncontrollably...
I had told him I would be right back. I had told him I was just stepping into the garage for a minute. But it didn't register or something - he totally freaked out.
Having a nearly 8 year-old child cling to you for dear life every second of every day is EXHAUSTING.
Whatever he's going through, I just haven't figured it out yet. Something is out of whack and when we figure out what that something is it'll be really nice to be able to help with it, but until then we are just dealing with it the best way we can.
That's my reality right now. And it will be my reality for a long time to come because Autism doesn't go away. And for Bug, the anxiety he deals with on top of it will never go away. It is a part of who he is.
When My Heart is Overwhelmed
19 hours ago